Monday, October 31, 2005

Warning: Camping season is over!!!

Warning: Camping season is over!!!

Due to a series of misunderstandings ('V: I thought you wanted to go' 'S: I thought you wanted to go!') we ended up camping out in WVA on Saturday with Brian, Shannon, Christoff, and Jaime. The hike was gorgeous and the afternoon weather was perfect. The views from 'The Big Schloss' were fantastic, mountains as far as the eye can see, all of the trees in the process of shedding their green for the reds, oranges, and yellows of fall, hawks spinning in lazy circles below us over the treetops. Unfortunately we should have stuck with plan A which was hike, eat some grub, and drive home. Instead we tried sleeping outside in 35 degree weather. Have you ever been cozy on the couch on a cold winter evening and turned to your girlfriend/boyfriend and said, 'Gee honey, this is nice and warm and cozy here on the couch, but maybe instead we should go lay outside and sleep on the ground. It'll be fun!'
I didn't think so.
That's because its STUPID! and COLD!

Funny moment of the trip:
We were running out of firewood. A car pulls up near the campsite.
Brian: Is that a state trooper?
Jaime: I don't care who he is. If he brings wood, he can sleep in my tent!
Everyone else: uh, ew, that sounded kind of.... dirty......
a moment later Jaime realizes what he just said and his whole face explodes beer in a projectile explosion of spray from every orifice

Anyway, yesterday, after a four hour marathon of pumpkin carving with the kids:

Friday, October 28, 2005

Best comeback line ever

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't" he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need".

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor."I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but doyou realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight inthe face and said, 'A pumpkin!? it midnight already?'"

Thursday, October 27, 2005

who wants to buy me this lotion? haha

Watch the commercial:

Its one thing to be cheap, but jaysus!

This competition, run by a nationwide chain of bargain stores and carrying a $35,100 prize, asked contestants for their best tips for saving money.

Here are some of the submissions!!
  • cut your own hair. the damage to your appearance would also cut down on costly social obligations
  • confiscate your husband's credit cards
  • Do not give money to your wife. Do not give money to your wife. Do not give money to your wife. Get the hint!
  • Wash the dog in the shower with you
  • live in a tent
  • if your microwave is broken, turn it into a letterbox.
  • cook boil-in-the-bag meals in the dishwasher, cleaning yesterday's dishes and cooking tonight's dinner in one go

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


sometimes its hard to juggle all the demands in my life, as a parent, employee, freelancer, taking care of myself, and trying to have my own life. Yesterday I acheived all of these things in a beautiful juggling act bordering on ballet.

In addition to my regular work, I got a freelance job done and another one scheduled.
Went home, took Jake to karate.
Set up a 'make your own burrito' bar for Cody, Jacob, Ariella and myself.
Picked up Jake from Karate.
Spent quality time with the kids buying a cartfull of delicious ripe apples, strawberries, kiwi, oranges, banannas, & pears.
Went to the gym, putting Jake in the playroom and working out with Cody for 45 min.
Went home, took a shower and got dressed.
Fed kids healthy fruit plate, read them bedtime stories, said goodnight.
Went to 9:30 Club in DC to see a sold out show, Social Distortion. Great band to see in a small club, they sounded really good. Working out earlier in the evening gave me a boost of energy so I wasn't tired or worried about how I was going to feel at work the next day, and woodchuck cider never tasted so sweet. And I have JoJo to thank for it. Thanks love!

It was a great show, and because of my schedule conflicts I couldn't go until after the opening bands were done, so it was the perfect length too. And going to a punk show at a club in DC on a Wednesday made me feel less... old. And yet, I was picked up at 9:30, home by 1:00, so I won't be falling asleep at work today. Along with some of their new stuff they played all of the old songs that I know (Ball & Chain, Story of Our Lives, great cover of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, Bad Luck, I Was Wrong, etc) Awesome.

To acheive all of this, I had to temporarily borrow Superman's powers-- Unfortunately, I forgot to tell him...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

advice column

This is great to pass the time if you are having a boring day at work, or lunchbreak at your desk:

As always, don't forget if you have a firewall or are worried about your nosy IT guy snooping around at what sites you frequent, you can use The Cloak to cloak the IP address and get around the firewall.

Monday, October 24, 2005

i am a genius

After accidentally deleting all my weekend photos and being notified by our IT guy that there is no way to recover them:

From: Harris, Michael
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:54 AM
Subject: RE: help!

I Am sorry... But they are gone forever.


From: Mohr, Shirley
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:50 AM
To: Harris, Michael
Subject: help!

MIKE! help!

If you have a memory card with files on it, photos, and you select them all and delete them, are they gone forever, or is there any way to recover them, like do they go to a temporary file somewhere?? i already looked in the recycle bin, they arent there... this just happened 5 min ago.

It took me all morning, but I proved him wrong. I RULE.

This Saturday an old friend was in town from San Diego so we all met up for drinks and dinner, coincidentally running into another old friend and musician, Jimmi Sexton (2nd from right) who was playing at the Cats Eye Pub. So much fun and also got to see a couple of ex-coworkers that I used to be tight with.

Cool (though unflattering) photo of Baltimore I took on the way in

Quote of the weekend:
"I don't DO gravy"

Best email to get when you've had a rough morning:
Victor: "I'm going to make you some sweet potato/broccoli curry w/ vegables from the farmers market."

Friday, October 21, 2005

excuse me sir, could you please drive to a hospital?

93-Year-Old Drives Through Toll Plaza With Body In Windshield

Quote of the day:
Mohammad: "I hate getting piles of money, being famous and hot ass whenever I want it. It just seems like such a shallow life style, you know?"

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Return of the Living Dead

Last night I saw a screening of Return of the Living Dead for the first time, at "Creative Alliance at the Patterson." It was hilarious! Campy, 80's (have you ever seen a black dude with a mullet??) punk rockers ("nobody understands me. you think this is a costume? this is a way of life" haha) getting eaten by zombies, and not your traditional stupid slow zombies- these zombies talk (More brains!!!) and are pretty fast- they also are capable of planning- after eating the brains of 2 unsuspecting paramedics, one zombie grabs the walkie talkie and says, 'Send more paramedics!'. For the guys, there is full frontal nudity. For the chicks, there is the annoying chick who does the full frontal nudity getting her skin burned by acid rain and getting attacked by brain eating zombies, which happens to be her punk rock death fantasy. You have to see it. I laughed so much! And I'm not really into zombie flicks, although I did like 28 Days Later. Also it was a pretty good place to see a movie, candle-lit tables, concession selling beer, popcorn, etc., even though it is usually populated by lesbians in flannel all wearing identical black-rimmed art-fag glasses!!

Narcoleptic Dog? Hahaha

My Own Private Idaho was a great movie about narcolepsy. I totally want to see it again.

Monday, October 17, 2005

pissed off angerfest

Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.

As if its not bad enough that my middle child syndrome has been reinforced this year when my brother got a digital video camera for his birthday, my sister is getting something that, when I asked for it for my birthday one year, my parents laughed in my face and said 'thats too expensive', and I got.... I got a mirror ok but whatever, money doesn't equal love, I understand that. But here's what really pisses me off. Today is my sister's birthday. A few weeks ago I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She named a couple of high ticket items in the $300 range. I told her I already got her a gift, because I knew I wanted to get her 2 tickets to see her favorite band, the Decemberists. The only problem was, I wanted it to be a suprize and whenever I asked her if she was going to be around on Oct. 1, the day of the concert, she would say, 'I don't know, probably not, we are trying to go on a road trip' So, the day before the concert, I checked online to make sure they weren't sold out and gave her the money for 2 tickets. Unfortunately, the concert *did* sell out, but they were playing again the next night, (also sold out) at the 9:30 club. By a stroke of luck, her friend Jaime had 2 extra tickets to sell to them, so she got to go! yay!
Well, this morning she asked me 'where is my present'. I told her, 'I already gave it to you, remember?'
'You did?...You said that was an early birthday present. I thought you got me something else too!'
'no...thats it...'
'That wasn't even a present, that was really a joint present from you and Jaime.'
'what do you mean, didn't you pay him for the tickets?'
'yes but you should have had more foresight. I almost didn't get to go!'
etc. etc. whine whine brat brat complain complain.
Well, i just ended the convo there because i didn't want to get in an argument with her on her birthday but, it sure made me feel like shit that she didn't appreciate my present that i *thought* would be like the best present ever, and even if it wasn't, like if i had gotten her tickets to... the gin blossoms reunion show...aren't you supposed to pretend like you like it?? I pretended to like that frickin mirror! It was the brattiest conversation i've ever had and I'm only getting her cards for her birthday from now on. THE END.
P.S. Guess what she got me for my birthday last month?


She didn't even draw me a card.

In this pic my hair looks like when they draw anime hair:


Beer Hoors
Saturday I went to Oktoberfest at Timonium Fairgrounds with V, Jim F., B-Funk, Shannon, Christoff, etc. It was OK, there was a pretty good band called The Bridge. There were chicks walking around dressed like german beer whores (girls love an excuse to dress slutty, if you don't believe me wait until halloween), and some old men wearing lederhosen (disturbing), and most of the beers I tried I didn't really like, but the weather was glorious and the event culminated (as any good beerfest should) in Funkmaster-B stealing a giant pot of mums, putting Christoff in the trunk, and running over traffic cones. Then we went to a party where I talked to this guy who looked like a basement-vampire-DJ-of-the-night in his shiny new doc martins, purple-black bowl haircut, and elongated teeth. When asked what his favorite music was, he said OLD SCHOOL RAP! wtf!? In the middle of one girl telling a story about her vacation, another girl cut her off with the question "Do you masturbate in front of your husband?"
The hosts had a dog named FRED. a pug. so funny

On the hayride
Anyway this is why I love having kids: Sunday we went to a pumpkin patch. It was once again fantastic out, although a bit on the chilly side; sweatshirt weather. We took a bouncy hay ride (where they ingeniously made seats from bales of hay instead of the ghetto style sitting on the ground kind that you usually find) to where the pumpkins were growing, then combed the field for the best/biggest/prettiest pumpkin, went through a corn maze, fed some baby goats, pet some cows, bought some fresh apple cider and squash... it was such a good time and something I know I would NEVER do if I didn't have kids. When we came home we ordered dinner and watched A Series of Unfortunate Events which wasn't that good, and baked pumpkin sugar cookies (keeping with the theme of the day) which were yum. I can't wait to carve up those pumpkins so I can cook some stuff using the fresh pumpkin- a soup, or a stew? Did I mention that I LOVE FALL?!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

office shennanigans

Come on, now who would actually attempt to use it.

I mean, really.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

freakin monkey

I had so much to blog about earlier, but suddenly i'm braindead and have forgotten it all.

My friend Ang is quitting smoking, which is awesome. Its been 5 days so far so I think she's past the worst of it. I quit smoking about 8 years ago; i'd list it among one of the most difficult things I've done, along with childbirth, buying a house in columbia, and deciding what to have for dinner on any given night. There were two relapses over those 8 years-- The monkey never really leaves your back, just fades out of focus so that you don't really notice him most days. Stupid monkey.

Makes me smile for days:
a rose for no reason :)

Hilariously nerdy conversation of the week (so far!):
S: (picking up sushi with chopsticks) This looks like Obi Wan Kenobi
V: What?
S: (realizing how nerdy that was but, alas, its too late to take it back) um... i was just...saying... this looks like Obi Wan Kenobi...heh...
V: NO. it looks like a Jawa!

nerdiness reinforced. oh well! :)
(... it did look way more like a jawa!)

If only i had a picture of the actual sushi wrap, it would make that story way more hilarious. *sigh*

(low quality) Hiking photos:

that tiny speck at the top is cody

I made these.

yes we are related

Monday, October 10, 2005

there are naked boobies in this blog posting

I am practically the only living being in this country who is actually at work today. Therefore I am in an email vacuum which is causing me to lose my MIND.

What did people do before the internet!?!!?

This weekend I learned how to play 'Red Right Ankle' by the Decemberists, a band I recommend, not because of the way they sound (the lead singer's voice can be grating) but because of their use of half-rhymes such as ankle and tangled, been and limb, and their prodigious and poetic use of words not commonly utilized in music: ambling, sullied, bootblack, sinews, pantaloons, petticoats, bereft, indolent, knickers, vagabonds, ubiquitous, ventricles, callow, derision, languor, iniquity, dolor, I love language! even alone and outside of any context those words roll and call forth images and moods, nuances of meaning...

Er, k that was a random outburst. My sister's nickname for that band is 'Avast Ye English Majors'

Anyway, I went to a party on Saturday. Luckily it was a fun party because the drive to Baltimore was so depressing that I thought I might find the nearest precipice and leap off of it. It was the unrelenting, driving rain that had spanned 2 days and nights, the clouds coming down from the sky and engulfing the evening in gray gray gray.

The event was a dinner party, hosted by B-Funk (no relation, as far as I know, to Chris Funk of the Decemberists!) The veg items included butternut squash soup, salad with raspberry vinaigrette, roasted sweet potatoes prepared over a hickory-smoked grill, and an incredible Thai red curry with eggplant and asparagus (V!). After the party began winding down and the first wave left, the remaining partiers walked to the Pickled Parrot in Canton and hung out until they kicked us out. Not a bad way to spend a dreary, rainy fall evening. :)

worst conversation ever:

Chick: I think his sister looks like him, I can see the resembelance.
Dude: {{wiping drool}} I don't think so. She looks like a barbie doll!
Chick: ...
Chick: You don't think they look alike? In the face?
Dude: I wasn't looking at her face!

Friday, October 07, 2005


I have nothing to blog about.

Its gross and rainy out, it looks like its 7pm but its not. Its making me feel like I've been at work for 13 hours, even though i took a please-fire-me long lunch to a Thai buffet. I can't wait for the week to be over. Today my coworker told me a story about trying to catch the mouse that is cohabitating with him, without even paying any rent, the little bastard.

First he bought some violent neck-breaking traps and slathered them with peanut butter to entice the little guy. The following day, the traps were still set, but the peanut butter was gone. So, then he decided to try something with more substance, bread with peanut butter on it. When he awoke and proceeded to check the traps, certain of victory, he was shocked to see the traps were gone!

He told this story with a look of confusion mingled with terror and/or wonderment at how the mice had possibly managed to cart off an entire trap!

...never once considering that his VEGAN roomate may have had something to do with it ;-}

heh heh

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Python Explodes After Eating Alligator

Click here to read the story. Its like pet pythons that pet owners released into the everglades- they aren't native to the region. It says the python tried to swallow the 6 foot aligator alive, and the alligator may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it!

Sometimes when we go to an Indian buffet I'm afraid this will happen to V.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

poppycake? poppycock.

So, yesterday I took off work for the holiday. As my coworker said, 'Jew for a day' haha but anyway, here's why I don't like this holiday- the two foods associated with it are poppyseed cake and honey cake, both make me sad. Poppyseed cake smells heavenly while its baking in the oven. But, alas, it tastes like blah. Honey cake looks delicious, it is a rich moist brown. But looks can be deceiving, because actually, it tastes like ass.

To celebrate the holiday, I took my brother, sister, Cody & Jake to an animal sanctuary in Thurmont, MD. We got to see a lot of cute baby aminals, up close, which was cute, but really I don't know why its called a sanctuary because really it was just a zoo, and the kind of zoo that makes me sad. The cages were too small. The grizzly bear lives on concrete his whole life. That made it hard to enjoy. But, we did get to pet a baby zebra (their nose is softer then velvet), see baby lions playing with baby sunbears, get licked by a tortoise, and stuff.

Then we went on a hike to a waterfall. On the way I drove over this road that was being repaved. I accidentally drove on the wrong side, they had covered it with some white powder stuff - it was so cool! there were these giant opaque clouds of dust on both sides of the car, all the way up to the windows, it looked cartoony like this one episode of Amazing Stories where this young soldier got locked in the plastic bubble compartment under the plane where you sit to man the guns, and the landing gear was stuck, and they were going to have to land the plane on the belly and everyone knew he was going to be killed. he was an artist and always drawing cartoons of the other soldiers. While he was down there he drew a cartoon of the airplane with giant yellow bubbly inflated tires on the bottom. when they landed, it was a shockingly gentle landing rather then the violent crash landing they expected. everyone got out and was amazed to see the airplane sitting on giant bubbly yellow cartoon wheels! The guy who was trapped was freed from the bubble, he had passed out. When they woke him up, the cartoon tires disappeared and the plane collapsed. Anyway I guess the point is it was so cool looking like being in a cartoon! Unfortunately it left my car covered in some sort of white powder chemical that a road worker told me can only be removed by vinegar and shouldn't be left on the car for even a day.... ack

Anyway, on the hike we saw a snake, that was freaky.
Jake said, 'come on ariella, climbing up the waterfall is easy, I can do it and my shoes aren't even attractive!' (translation: my shoes don't have traction)

Anyway then we went to Pizza Hut and it was soooo good. They have this deal where if you get one large specialty pizza you get a medium one topping pan pizza for a quarter!

A baby lion wrestling with a baby sun bear:

Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.

Can't see the video above? Click here to download it, then launch it from your desktop.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Too much guitar playing....

....fingers bleeding....


must ..... keep ..... playing....

Monday, October 03, 2005

advanced planning, hahahahahaha

My brother came up to visit for the holidays. To the left you can see the awesome present he bought me for my birthday, a t-shirt from SoHo in NY where he lives, (not from a tourist shop but actually authentically purchased IN soho, as he pointed out!) and the stylin' jacket which I love. I never thought of my brother as someone with great fashion sense, but I love everything he buys me!

Anyway, now I need to figure out what I'm going to be for halloween. I love this time of year. Pumpkins, trees painted red, orange, and yellow, the crunch of leaves underfoot, the smell of a fire in the crisp evening air, cozy sweaters, hot cocoa... OK I actually hate sweaters. But anyway. I had so much fun last Halloween (aside from some relat. drama). Mo got wasted on some Captain Morgans at my house before we even got to Fells Point. By the time we got there he proceeded to antagonize all of the chicks there. (example: A group of half-dressed girls are walking by. Mo: "look, sluts!" All of the girls turn around, angrily. Mo: "well, I wasn't talking to you, but its interesting that you all responded to that name") I don't know why their jock boyfriends didn't beat him up! I found it hard to be angry at him for it, because I find it endlessly irritating that even in 30 degree weather they insist on all wearing one of 4 costumes: playboy bunny, french maid, devil in a leotard, or catholic schoolgirl. He also tried to steal a semi that the driver had left in the middle of the road with the engine running (so he should thank me for not ending up in jail that night!!) Also, we met up with my ex coworkers who had gotten a suite at a B&B right on Thames St., hung out with them for a while, partook in their libations, hung out at a bar with them where a guy got completely naked and was shaking his thang, literally, at us. We also met a woman who owned a bar up the street who invited us to come over there, then she opened the bar up for us for a private party! With free shots! I think it was her birthday too. Wait, did that all happen last year? I might be melding the last 2 years together. Anyway, I am trying to do some advanced costume planning this year, but since its already October, I don't think its working out so well...