Tuesday, April 25, 2006

lucky donkey

I was just looking up various travel destinations to give some ideas to V who is lucky enough to be slightly less of an office-slave then me and has lots of excess vacation time to blow through.
There are so many cool and exotic places to adventure to and just not enough time, money, or vacation days to visit them all!
Here's just a few random ones but I could keep going - this is just the tip of the iceburg of places I'd like to see.
Galapagos Islands

Just reading that list brings colorful images of foreign cultures, dress, architecture, animals, languages, and foods that tempt me with their promise of adventure. It makes me long to escape the familiarity of the U.S. and my drab and ordinary routine here. Thinking of people I know who left everything familiar and safe to live and raise their children in places where everything is different and walking around town is an education in itself, I sometimes envy thier bravery and repetoir of stories so much richer then those I will probably ever be able to tell to a small gaggle of grandchildren gathered at my feet.

Ah well, in the meantime I will make myself feel slightly better by reading and re-reading this article about why travel sucks.

A tiny victory for non-human animals who are no longer going to be considered on the same level as a pair of shoes or a couch, or a slave. And another reason why California is awesome!

A tiny but very important victory for net-addicts such as myself

Friday, April 21, 2006

Vegas, baby

So, my company is sending me to an all expense paid trip to Las Vegas in June to attend the How Design Conference. I fear my coworkers may be pissed because they are only sending me, but its not like I made that decision! Also to top off the pissed-offedness in my office, I asked for a laptop a while ago which they suddenly decided to deliver on. I feel the irritation rolling off of my department like waves of loathing lapping against the golden sandy shores of luck-island.

*sigh* no love.

Well, a small price to pay for such an opportunity. Not only do I get to go to Vegas for the first time for free, during the work week, probably staying at Mandalay Bay, but the conference is going to be sooo cool. One of the speakers is this freak, Ze Frank!! I am so going to that session no matter what.

Anyway, viva las vegas and now you can read this fascinating article about SAVANTS.

A three year-old savant drew this horse.

Thats insane.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

this is pretty good

Worst Album Covers EVER

Your worst nightmare

Hopefully natural selection will discontinue this moron's gene pool

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

In other news....



Happy Easter! This bring back some painful memories V?
I can't beleive there's actually a word for this.
D&D players, mouth-breathers, chat-room junkies, and socially inept tortoise-rim glasses-with-tape-holding-them-together wearing guys rejoice- let there be... teledildonics!
If I ever walked in on my boyfriend doing this I would kill myself.

I think this might be a sign of the apocolypse

Thursday, April 13, 2006


I am being a bad influence on my boyfriend and encouraging him to adopt a puppy.
Much like kids, life is so much simpler without a puppy.
But its soooo cuuuuute! So, who cares!


See, bad influence. No common sense or well thought-out planning. Just, he's so cute, lets get him now!

Logic like that apparently is undeniable- he already filled out the application and submitted it :)

Funny things that were sold in the Sears Roebuck catalog in 1902
did you know people were wearing fishnet undershirts in 1902??

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

surreal kareoke

Passover Quotes of the day:
"Jews get the short end of the stick when it comes to holidays, I mean, i'm not like "damn, I don't get to chew on the bitter herb"

"So, essentially you are celebrating god killing a bunch of babies?"

"So, do you have to paint an X with lambs-blood on your door?"
"Yeah, we usually sneak out late at night to Rt 108 where the sheep farms are, kind of grab a sheep, and *makes slitting throat motion*
"NO not really!!!"


Anyway here are some photos from DC on Saturday night where I experienced the most surreal Kareoke I have ever seen.

Between the guy in the tight underarmor tshirt singing Cabaret with miming motions directly to me and V to the androgonous Pat belting out Billy Idol to the a-hole marine with bulging muscles who we thought would sing some metallica but actually sang the sappiest love ballad ever- was I dreaming or did all of that actually happen??

Monday, April 10, 2006

death and

Welp, I stayed up till midnight frantically doing my taxes, sifting through my files for receipts, forms, bank statements, etc, finally vindicated in my efforts to be organized and keep records.
Well, whadda ya know, for the first time in my life I actually owed Uncle Sam money. Only $27 but still. Gone are the days when I would get a fatty tax return. And why? I make like just barely over the amount you need to get earned income tax credit. Oh well. I will get some money back from federal, but not much.

I feel a lot better about paying taxes when the president isn't GW 'Big Government' Bush Jr.

In more domestic news, after several discussions and advice from A and V, and being tired of feeling like I have to serve pizza or burritos in order to have a peaceful dinner where my youngest actually eats the food and enjoys it, I exercised my 'mean parent' muscles today at dinner. We had a pathetically non-homemade 'i just got home from work and am tired and not cooking anything major' dinner of veggie hot dogs with black beans and cheese, and fettuchini alfredo with broccoli (frozen dinner) as sides. This may sound only vaguely nutritious but when you include the fresh fruit strawberry-banana-oj smoothie, well that balances it a little! Anyway (click on links above if you don't believe me) its not that bad. Just doesn't seem very '50's mom with apron slaving over a hot stove' -ish.

So at first I just gave J the hotdog and raw green beans, which oddly he likes, knowing he wouldn't want the black beans or fettuchini. Then I decided, what the hell, I can handle a little battle tonight, and what better time to start then now. So, I spooned a table-spoon size serving of black beans onto his plate. I figure start with something not too freaky, like not brussel sprouts or anything. I told him he has to eat the beans on his plate before he can get up, and this is not a request. First he started to get that 'deer in headlights' look, then he started to get a little whiny like, 'why are you being so mean?' and 'but i haaaate them!'

So, I told him, 'I don't want to talk about it, I just want you to eat them. You aren't leaving the table until you eat them and there's nothing else to talk about.'

Then I turned my attention away from him and initiated a discussion with C so it wouldn't turn into a big scene and into an attention thing.

Finally he asked, 'can I leave like, 2 or 3 beans on the plate?'
And, well being the kind, sweet, wonderful (pushover) that I am, I agreed.

And lo and behold, he ate them! Without some big scene with gagging and crying. hooray! Victory #1. I don't think this will be the end of our problems, but perhaps the beginning of the understanding that I'm not completely soft like marshmallow fluff. But I am as sweet. :P

And, Victory #2 of the evening? getting J not to be afraid to catch the full sized football (he previously only wanted to use the smaller nurf foam ball, and would get out of the path of the ball if you threw him the real one.) Yay again!

Well, I realize this may be a boring topic for a blog, so I'll finish with a question- Did your parents make you 'finish everything on your plate' or did they accommodate your pickiness? Did you have to gaggingly choke down liver and onions, long after they were cold, so that you could finally leave the table? Or did your parents buy you McDonalds on the way to the chinese restaurant because you were scared to try lo mein? Did you agree with their methods...? Or were you scarred for life? Were you SCARRED for LIFE??

Friday, April 07, 2006

dear IRS

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will
see the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid
$600.00 for a toilet seat.
I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers
(value $1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential
Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this
inexpensively by sending them one 1.5" Phillips Head screw
(article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays $22.00 each for
1.5" Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for your convenience.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look
forward to paying it again next year.
A Satisfied Taxpayer

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon) Hunting License Tax Inheritance
Tax Interest Expense (tax on the money THEY paid tax on
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax) IRS
Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Local Income Tax Luxury
Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate
Tax Septic Permit Tax Service Charge Taxes Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal ,
State and Local Surcharge Taxes Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge
Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-Recurring Charges Tax Telephone
State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer Registration Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was
the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt,
had the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to
raise the kids. What happened?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

holy genital peircing, batman!

Relationships ...
Is it ever possible to know what the other person is thinking?

Shwagon's new girlfriend just got a clitoral hood peircing.
I think it freaks him out.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

war, what is it good for

The war the media isn't covering

I mean, seriously, is it censorship or what? Because, you would think this stuff would make for great ratings which is what the media is all about. People would be glued to their sets, talking about it, debating, protesting, creating even more news and ratings... I know they aren't allowed to show caskets of American soldiers, but what other rules, regulations, and threats have been implemented to cause the media to completely avoid any real coverage of the war and the current state of affairs?
When the media is not truly free, it makes me feel very very frightened....

Monday, April 03, 2006

with this ring, I thee...?


I hate Ani DeFranco

I love google

Useless but you know you want one

the look of amazement on a 7 yr olds face when you run outside and come back in with a handfull of ice balls that just fell from the sky

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Sunday bloggy sunday

Saturday for 3 hours I got to hang out with my ex! And some of that with his girlfriend too! wheee! my favorite! She spent $17 so that her dauchund could don a life jacket and swim in a pool for 15 minutes at the pet store. What a moron. Well it was a karate tournament for the kids, Jake got a first prize trophy for Forms and Cody got a second prize trophy for Board Breaking. Which is awesome BUT, EVERYONE gets a trophy. If you didn't win, you get a third place trophy no matter what. So, I argue that this method cheapens winning a trophy and as a result, no one reaaally feels like a winner. Lame. Kids aren't stupid. They know what's going on. All this damn self esteem stroking rubs me wrong. I mean, give those kids ribbons for trying hard, but the trophies should be for those who worked hard and excelled.

Wonderful thing:
Call information for free?
Yes, you can! 1-800-FREE-411

Need to find your soulmate?
Google claims that love is just another search problem.
The only weird thing is, if you want, they will send you on a free date with commercials from sponsors... Anyway if you're looking for love, check it out, because like this quote says (that I stole from another blog:)

So, go for it! Post a profile, or try a search for 'Jessica Alba'

Best line in 'Inside Man':
'Thanks, Mister Bank Robber!"
(its contextual, you have to see it)

Most shocking surprise:
Having a drink on a Saturday night at Ruby Tuesdays (gag) can be fun in the right company!

Interesting Party Fact:
Showing up at at midnight at a party that started at 8 allows you to see the worst moment in a party-throwers evening- when his synapses have begun to misfire because when the brain is swimming in four hours worth of beer it seems to cause a short. Funniest comment by said soused host: I AM NOT A YUPPIE WORM!

5 hour shopping marathon of hell was happily made more tolerable with V as a distraction ...As an aside, its an interesting experience doing every-day boring stressful real life things with someone you usually just do fun activities and non-real life things with.
Then football in the field 'till the sun went down!
(my arm hurts!)