Funky!

Ok, so last night my iguana LAID EGGS.
So freaky, so funky!
Firstly we were under the impression it was a male, hence the name 'Artemis'
Secondly, obviously I don't know that much about iguanas because it was totally unexpected.
In fact, my youngest son saw them on the floor and said, 'there's some kind of ... EGGS on the floor'
I looked over and was like, 'ew, old orange candy eggs from easter on the floor, gross'
I picked them up, and one was hard and candy-like, but the other kind of had a gelatinous aspect to it. I started to second-guess my assumption. I sniffed the eggs to see if they smelled like candy, but they smelled like nothing.
I put them on the table for further investigaiton and went to go get Artemis to put him/her in his/her cage, and behind him/her, was 2 more gelatinous, 2 1/2 inch long eggies! Gross, for real. And weird! What a weird weird pet to own. Seriously.

Thank god I didnt try to taste them or something! ew!

i hate neptune

Friday I had girls night out since V was in Austin. We went to the Lebanese Taverna downtown and had some m'saka, shankleesh, makdous, and foole me'damas and even though I'm not in my 20's anymore, got hit on by the (super annoying) waiter. Go Away! So fun eating foreign fare and I sure do feel sorry for people who live their whole lives eating only meatloaf and mashed potatoes and never trying all of the wonderful flavors and spices and recipes out there.

Next we saw a really good, bluesy, slide guitar playin lesbian band (Michelle Malone) at the Austin Grill. Now that the weather has become bearable, I find myeself actually wanting to go do things!! Yay! I feel like I'm out of hibernation. Saturday was flag football where someone told me that they have never seen anyone as 'nested' as V and I (what does that mean?)

Cody scored a 2 point conversion and I was actually cheering out loud for him. The team won by 2 points so, well of course I attribute the win to my kid! :P It was so cool to see him bursting with pride but trying to humbly restrain it. Ahh the good parts of being a parent. So awesome. Then we went to Barnes & Noble for some coffee and chilled out looking at books before soccer. So relaxing!! Eventually I went to Balt. to see V on his day back from Austin and he took me to Thai Arroy in Federal Hill, which is HEAVEN. This, I think is my favorite thai restaurant in the world. Get the panang curry with vegetarian duck, and vegetarian drunken noodles with vegetables. You WONT be sorry!

Favorite Saturday Night Live line of the week:
Amy Poehler:

[cheery] Tomorrow is earth day.

[snarling] So suck it, neptune!

[under her breath] I hate neptune.

yes gardening can be exciting

Pop Quiz:
What are these?

Well.... what do they look like?

Ok the answer is.... a flower called....

wait for it....

Hairy Balls!!

I am not lying. Click here if you don't believe me!

infotainment

So, lately I've been to busy/stressed/distracted to blog or read blogs. Very strange.

The only thing I feel passionate enough to write about right now is that I HATE TELEVISION NEWS. Fear-mongering, ratings-hungry, souless, sensationalistic for-sale vampires!
I stopped watching TV news after seeing how they handled 9-11 and how they made me feel during and after that time period, with their useless "code oranges" and fear tactics, hammering you with any info or images that would get your heart pumping and your blood pressure up. Yesterday morning I turned on the news to find out the weather report, and blaring at me from every single network, impossible to avoid, were angry photos and videos of the VA tech killer in menacing poses with guns, getting his wish granted - to spread his message from beyond the grave.

Seriously though, compare the amount of non-stop coverage about some random brainless druggy idiot, how she died, and who her baby daddy is, with the amount of coverage regarding the death of American soldiers in Iraq. Compare the coverage regarding Brittany spear's lack of underwear on girls night out, or a rivalry between Donald Trump and Rosie Odonnel, with REAL NEWS ISSUES like Iran's nuclear weapons program or Darfur.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a futuristic parody of America written by the late :( great Kurt Vonnegut. Can this really be happening?

Yuck. I'll get my news online, thank you. Or from Jon Stewart! (Read: "IU study: The Daily Show/Jon Stewart as substantive as network news")

Hilarious News Headline of the Day: Drought Advisory Meeting Rained Out

WTF News Headline of the Day: Intruder Leaves Maggots In Home

saw this on craigslist

Peace Time Gi Joe - $18

After 40+ years of military service, this GI Joe "won't study war no more." He tired of the carnage. The day this 12" icon showed up on my doorstep, minus military he said with a world-weary sigh "I just wanna hang out with Barbie in the Dream House and kick back. "What about Malibu Ken, Joe?” - "F-him", he said without blinking. If you have a Barbie in need of adventure Collector Normandy Airborne Joe he's ready to salute. It minus box and equipment but is mint condition. I take PayPal payments only-No Exceptions. Couch not included.

pee and poo

This is a toy set my coworker purchased and has displayed in her area. WTF?

So I go to the website listed on the box, peeandpoo.com. Here is one of the products listed- underwear with pee on the front and poo on the rear. Awesome.

Deal of the day: Does anyone want a FREE Chipotle Burrito?

Its a beautiful day

There's nothing like a friend with brain cancer to put life into perspective.
And there's nothing like when its one of the nicest guys you know, with a new family and a one-year old baby, experiencing the joys of family and fatherhood after 40 years of being alone to remind you that God, if there is a god, is not a personal god involving himself in the lives of individuals down here on this lonely little planet. And yet we pray anyway, because what else can we do? He changed his cellphone message to this U2 song:

Its a beautiful day
Dont let it get away
Its a beautiful day
Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know Im not a hopeless case

What the F

Richards Says He Snorted Dad's Ashes

Rolling Stones Guitarist Said Mixture 'Went Down Pretty Well'

POSTED: 3:07 pm EDT April 3, 2007

LONDON -- Keith Richards has admitted to a lot of drug use, but the way he honored his father tops them all: He snorted him.

Richards told the British music magazine NME that he snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.

The Rolling Stones guitarist's father, Bert, died in 2002 and was cremated.
Richards said that he couldn't resist "grinding him up with a little bit of blow." He said his dad would not have cared.

Richards said it "went down pretty well" and he's still alive.

76 degrees out and I'm in a temperature controlled box breathing recycled air

Last night my brother and I watched a movie entitled "Yes, all of your worst relationship fears are true"

ok thats not really what it was called, it was "Last Kiss" with Zack Braff. Depressing as hell. I think the moral of the movie was, 'no one is ever happy' or something.

Then, this headline in my news inbox:
Man Charged With Biting Wife After She Refused To Cook For Him

Christ.

Well in other news, its passover tonight, and perhaps I will have an interesting blog tomorrow with all of the fun we will have (sarcasm!) There is this movie coming out about all of the biblical plagues happening again... yay! I love onscreen world destruction awesome special effects.

Also, doesnt everyone want to see Tarantino's old school B flick, 'Grindhouse' ?
Come on, chick with machine gun for a leg? Thats entertainment!