Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Are you there, God? Part II

So I was at the store when over the loudspeakers came a raspy voice sounding like the crypt-keeper announcing the need for more people to work the registers, or something. It was barely decipherable, like the woman had been a chain-smoker from the age of 5 and was consequently now on death's door. I looked at my friend and said, 'what the heck, couldn't they get anyone else on loudspeaker duty then the woman dying of lung cancer? Wheel that woman to the emergency room! gross!"

The next day, I was back at the same store. While waiting outside of the dressing room, the woman working there started up a friendly conversation with me. THE woman. Crypt-keeper Camel-Joe filterless chain-smoking soon-to-be trach-box-having voiced woman. Super-nice and friendly woman. Without me even asking, she starts to tell me that she used to be a singer but as a result had developed polyps on her throat which she had surgically removed. No one told her she was supposed to have speech therapy afterwards and that's why her voice sounds like that. Her granddaughter said people asked her how many cigarettes her grandma has smoked, but that she had never smoked in her life! Why did she tell me this? Does she tell everyone this? Seems a bit like someone is trying to tell me, 'don't be such an ass!'

For those of you travelling over the holidays via airplane, here is the coolest site ever:


Now you will never accidentally sit in the crappiest seat on the plane on your 8 hr flight back from Hawaii in the back row where the seats don't recline and you are right by the bathroom which is also the area where people congregate to chat and stretch their legs so you have to listen to their inane conversations about how their name is Bob and they are a mortgage broker from Odessa, and what do you do for a living, Phil? while you are trying to sleep at a 90 degree angle!!