the end

in an odd as well as unsettling coincidence, a friend of mine's life is totally reflecting a recent blogposting of mine. Her husband of 7 years, after several months of fighting and stress (much of it money-related, I believe), threw his hands up and left. In subsequent conversations, he seems cold and uncaring, like he is totally through with her, emotionally. This is a perfect example of what I was talking about! Wouldn't you think that someone you have shared such intimacy with, had children with, slept in the same bed with for 7 years, would, even in the face of strife and trouble, still love you deep down? Couldn't they say, lovingly, "Look, I love you very much but this doesn't seem to be working" ? Or even better, "lets come up with some ideas of how we can fix this and be happy again?" Does it always have to end in ugliness? moreover, does it always have to end? I guess when you are all pissed off at someone and fighting for long enough, you forget about the good since you are overwhelmed with the bad, and walking away just looks so much better then working to fix it.

Well, I hope they work it out, if only because once you have brought kids into this world, your life isn't only about you and what makes you happy anymore, but also because single motherhood is a long difficult stressful path. but also because I want to pretend for a little while longer that you *can* count on someone through thick and thin, that relationships are not just 'love when things happen to be going fine' but, love always. The naive, dreamer part of me, who doesn't want to imagine forward in time to the (inevitable?) painful and cold demise of my currently wonderful relationship. From a sheer numbers perspective, the odds are against us, against everyone, aren't they?
*sigh*

remember?

teeny little super guy
oh yeah

keeping up with the Jonses

This weekend in summary:
Fun fun tennis doubles with V, Matt, and Christoph, and dogs Kona (calm) and Nyx (spaz)
followed by a delish indian dinner with V Matt and Eric in Little Italy of all places! Mmmmm, Baingan Bartha (to quote Eric, "mmm, I love this "bangin' betty" !)
Then we watched this movie called Idiocracy. Stupid movie but I liked the premise, namely that with no natural predators, 'evolution' doesn't necessarily favor intelligence. In this case, smart people who only have a planned number of children, sometimes waiting until their 40's to even start, get outnumbered by the drooling masses who produce gaggles of kids, leading to a world of idiots sitting on a lazy-boy equipped with built in toilet seat, drinking beer from a tube and eating goo out of a bucket with their fingers while watching, 'Ow I got kicked in the nuts' while the United States is run by a president originally from WWE. Is that where we are heading??
Stupid movie though.

Anyway, Sunday I dropped one kid off at a friends house and picked up a friend to play with my other son. Both of the houses were huge shiny new McMansions that made me feel like I live in a urine-stained cardboard box in the ghetto. For a moment, I felt anxious about bringing this 8 yr old into the house! Well as a single mother in her early 30s I shouldnt be comparing myself to 45 yr old married couples life situations, and ideally I shouldn't be comparing myself to anyone, but its just so hard not to! lame.

Then Monica, Wissam, V, the kids and I all had a vegetarian Chinese feast at my house, followed by a 2 hour long set-up of the surround-sound speakers V gave me, the Wizards game (they won!) and some highly animated games of Spit (a fast-action card game) involving much screaming, laughing, and anxiety! I was worried for a minute that I had lost my touch, but in the end, I dominated.

THE CHAMPION!

struggle struggle

I saw this dog for adoption on craigslist, and i love him- but i'm probably not home enough and who will watch him when I travel? oh struggle struggle! i want him! what should I do?

Can you ever really know anyone?

Have you ever had someone you thought was a friend turn on you and do something nasty, or betray you?

How about a boyfriend that once claimed to love you but cheated on you? Said awful things about you in an argument? Turned cold towards you?

I used to think you could know and trust someone after a certain amount of time. How long could someone who is a jerk fake being nice? But the fact is, people change. They can hide parts of thier personalities well, for a long time. How else can you explain a husband cheating on his wife, whom he once loved enough to vow to stand by forever? How about a boyfriend or girlfriend saying horrible things to someone he or she once said loving things to? Or a friend you shared many memories with giving you the cold shoulder or gossiping behind your back? Or someone you thought would be there for you in a time of need turning their back on you?

These things happen all the time- Can you ever truly know and trust anyone, to be there for you, like in a forever sort of way? Perhaps trust is foolish and naive, because humans are flawed ...

There is nothing permanent except change.
~Heraclitus

"Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of your partner's hand, knowing they will be handled with care." -Carl S. Avery

It takes years to build up trust...and seconds to destroy it ~Rachel Jolley

today

I'm drinking Deer Park

Recently I saw the movie "Children of Men." The premise of this movie was that in the not-so-far future people become unable to conceive; meaning that when the last person dies, humanity ends. Yesterday I came across this article, making me feel like this 'fantasy' or 'sci-fi' storyline isn't so fantastical after all.... Nice job, nation's capital.

Scientists Track Chemicals Causing Intersex Fish
POSTED: 12:05 pm EST January 22, 2007
CHARLESTON, W.Va.

Scientists may be closer to finding out why some male fish in the Potomac River also display some female characteristics. They say several chemicals have been found in the river and in its tributaries, including a chemical that is banned in the U.S.

Government scientists have been looking at water samples from eight sites in West Virginia and blood plasma from smallmouth bass.

It's part of the investigation into an increase in what are called "intersex fish." Those are male fish that somehow are producing eggs. They said they've found pesticides, flame-retardants, personal care products and a prohibited fungicide in the water or the fish.

The report said the contamination could come from wastewater treatment plants, agricultural activities and industrial wastewater.

star wars?

This morning on NPR there was talk of countries arguing about not wanting to 'militarize space'. Apparantly China tested out an anti-sattelite missle system, blowing up an old weather sattelite as a test. I guess they did it without asking good ol' America's permission. It got me to thinking- whichever country can get a bunch of sattelites into space set up with powerful lasers that can aim with pinpoint accuracy (is this even possible? or do i watch too much sci-fi...) would rule the world. Because anyone that crossed them could be pulverized into a pile of ashes with the push of a button! It would be like being god, everyone would run around afraid of punishment from above.... Hmmm, I smell a script here....

---

Along with much of the rest of the country, I've been watching American Idol again lately. Three good things that have come out of this- family bonding time, seeing my son squirm in major discomfort when even the most miserable ridiculous singers are brought to tears by the merciless judges mockeries (actually the only time I actually got choked up was when one kid who's parents didn't support his singing efforts so didn't come with him for the audition, he made it through and was so happy but had no one to celebrate with, had to call his mom on the phone and stand alone in the hallway), and this conversation:

J: who do you think is the best singer in the family?
C&J: DEFINITELY mom!

This is why you should have kids. :P
I actually have no talent in the singing department! My sister got all of those genes!

By the way, I laughed out loud like FIVE TIMES watching 30 Rock last night. That NEVER happens when I watch sitcoms, not even the ones I like, like My Name is Earl (which had John Waters on it last time playing a mortitian). I have chuckled a few times watching Scrubs though. Anyway I used to think that show was only OK but now I'm going to have to give it a second chance. Five times! Out loud! I hope it wasn't just a fluke

i am DYING to have a pet chicken

And this is the one- a white silky.
Docile and make great pets, thier eggs, according to the chinese, are supposed to have curative powers.

Not to mention the fact that eggs layed by free roaming and grazing chickens are super high in Omega-3, taste better, fresh and free (compared to $5.00/dozen for cage-free chicken eggs at safeway!!!!)

Awesome chicken coop designed for the urban chicken owner

I don't think I can get away with this in Columbia... but what if I buy my neighbors off with promises of free fresh eggs??? Damn this town and all of its rules!!

Ron Jeremy had no problems...

Panda Too Overweight To Mate, Keepers Say
This article is kind of funny on its own, but read the last sentence- is that for real??

Hilarious!

things that make me happy

things that made me happy this morning:

• reading the afterword about the book I just finished, the Jungle, a major critique of capitalism an important example of the "muckraking" tradition, and finding out that this one man, this one book, led to government regulations of the food industry (even though his real intent was to improve conditions for the laborers) *

  "An instant best-seller, Sinclair's book reeked with the stink of the Chicago stockyards. He told how dead rats were shoveled into sausage-grinding machines; how bribed inspectors looked the other way when diseased cows were slaughtered for beef, and how filth and guts were swept off the floor and packaged as "potted ham."In short, "The Jungle" did as much as any animal-rights activist of today to turn Americans into vegetarians.But it did more than that. Within months, the aroused -- and gagging -- public demanded sweeping reforms in the meat industry.President Theodore Roosevelt was sickened after reading an advance copy. He called upon Congress to pass a law establishing the Food and Drug Administration and, for the first time, setting up federal inspection standards for meat.

• Seeing this on a licence plate on the way to work: ICE 9
  (From Cat's Cradle, great book by Kurt Vonnegut)

* UPDATE: less happy- its still an uphill battle with regards to both conditions for laborers and santiary food production (not to mention humane treatment and slaughter of animals!) according to this recent article :(

From a more recent expose, Fast Food Nation:

The second half looks at the product itself: where it is manufactured (in a handful of enormous factories), what goes into it (chemicals, feces) and who is responsible (monopolistic corporate executives). In harrowing detail, the book explains the process of beef slaughter and confirms almost every urban myth about what in fact "lurks between those sesame seed buns."

While cataloguing assorted evils with the tenacity and sharp eye of the best investigative journalist, he uncovers a cynical, dismissive attitude to food safety in the fast food industry and widespread circumvention of the government's efforts at regulation enacted after Upton Sinclair's similarly scathing novel exposed the meat-packing industry 100 years ago.

iWant

Ok so Apple, A.K.A. technoGODS have come out with something I MUST HAVE

I am actually hyperventilating over this -- watch the demos:
http://www.apple.com/iphone/

ITS SO MONEY

WARNING: symptoms may include increased heart rate, excessive salivation, shortness of breath, and the urge to blow your children's college savings fund

In other news, Google was just voted the best place to work:

At Google you can do your laundry; drop off your dry cleaning; get an oil change, then have your car washed; work out in the gym; attend subsidized exercise classes; get a massage; study Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish, and French; and ask a personal concierge to arrange dinner reservations. Naturally you can get haircuts onsite. Gourmet lunch is free at the onsite cafeteria. Want to buy a hybrid car? The company will give you $5,000 toward that environmentally friendly end. Care to refer a friend to work at Google? Google would like that too, and it’ll give you a $2,000 reward. Just have a new baby? Congratulations! Your employer will reimburse you for up to $500 in takeout food to ease your first four weeks at home. Looking to make new friends? Attend a weekly TGIF party, where there’s usually a band playing. Five onsite doctors are available to give you a checkup, free of charge.

Also on the list was Wegman's grocery, which sends employees on 10 day research trips to places like France, Thailand, Japan, and Italy.

How does YOUR company compare? ;-)

For the heart is an organ of fire...

For some reason I've had writers block lately. I think it may be because I am so limited in what I can blog about that may have sucked all of the fun and therapy out of it! too p.c.

Well today upon returning from lunch a coworker said, 'Where've YOU been?' and my initial reaction was to say, 'none of your effing beeswax, b*tch'
but in the nicest way
I *may* be a little grumpy after staying up until 2 am watching The English Patient, which is one movie that I happen to like more then the book. Gorgeous scenery, gorgeous sandy-haired characters with tawny skin in Banana republic chiq having tawdry affairs- I just couldn't tear myself away. And now I am paying the price!

I went to a party where the napkins had an image of Mary and the baby jesus on them- am I going to hell for wiping my mouth on such holy figures?? I can't figure out what is wierder, the company who made the napkins or the people who bought them!