Misogyny 101
So last night I was at the gym working out with my kid and the neighbor, and it comes out that at 6 flags, my Ex dared my son's friend to ask some 17 year old girls if they would lift up their skirts and flash them, which he proceeded to do, to which they reacted by giving them all the finger. Apparently this was described as a good thing because, "although the girls feel angry at the moment, at the end of the day they feel good because someone thought they were attractive"Great lesson in misogyny for three twelve year olds and two seven year old boys.
Fortunately, because they trusted me enough to share this story with me, I had the opportunity to counter this lesson by telling them that basically, a good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn't want someone to say it to your mother or sister, then don't say it, and that when strange guys yell out stuff like that to me, I don't feel beautiful, I feel like a piece of meat being oggled by a disrespectful jerk.What an idiot. How will I ever raise them to be gentleman with him as their male role-model?
posted by Evil Genius @ 10:47 AM
25 comments
25 Comments:
Sorry to hear about the issue with your ex-husband and disrespect to wowmen. My wife and I have a little boy or 16-months and hope to encourage him to see people as individuals with feelings, values, and souls. I remember being a twelve-year-old, on the verge of hormonal overload. I don't mean to be discouraging, but let me tell you that it didn't take much to get me looking at a girl/woman as if she were standing there just for my probing eyes. But, there are ways to encourage your son to look at women as people. Probably the best way is to expose him to men who look at women as people. It sounds like his Dad is not the exposure he needs, and there may not be anything you can do about that. Maybe there's a friend, uncle, brother, or something who he looks up to. I just know that growing up around a strong male role model for whom I had enormous respect, was invaluable in forming the way I look at and treat my wife and other women. My Dad never said anything about other women, looked at other women, watched shows that degraded women, and only showed affection for my mother. I saw that and madel it for my son now with his mother. I know this sounds like an ideal situation, and it is. But, the more exposure of this type that your soun has, the more likely he is to see women as wonderful, beautiful, people and not just objects of his desire. Sorry to write so much...this post just struck a chord with me. I'm as imperfect as the next man and have only reflections and observance to go on. But, I want to live the love I have seen, and I hope everyone else does, too.
Kids soak up everything. I've always and still do look up to my father as my role model. If he had done something like that when I was 7 or 12 I would have thought that it was OK. It's not. You handled it well by pointing them in the right direction.
fortunately i came out of the womb protesting just about everything my parents do. unfortunately i still got some of their bad habits - like buying shit i dont need. but i still remember thinking my relatives were complete idiots when i was a kid when they said some racist or sexist shit. of course, when i said something to contradict what they said they told me to shut up i was only a kid and didnt know better. nice huh. we really need to remember that kids may not have the same number of years experience but they have wisdom too. and unfortunately, some have alot more knowledge and know how compared to some adults!
as for ur buttmunch ex...he unfortunately seemed to have stopped maturing at 5th grade. ive always wanted to cut him. but i guess that wouldnt be a good model for ur kids tho!!! :-p
i think you did right and hopefully Cody gets it, but dang. jake is so much more impressionable. ugh. wat a butt!
All this talk about uncles is making me feel bad for being so far away.
However, I want to point out the bigger issue is that, while we have come a long way, our society is still deeply deeply sexist. Women still expect men to pursue them, take care of them, buy them flowers, not the other way around. A man who is into fashion or powerpuff girls or romance is called gay. Oh, and women are also discriminated against...
What we can all do is start treating each person as an individual and not squeezing them into some stereotype. It's hard, with all society against you.
As for Cody, perhaps the best thing to do is get him an arranged marriage now, so you won't have to worry about what will come...
what's your back plan when they see a dateline special on mardi gras? and was your ex drunk... a grown man that ask 12yr kids to ask teenage girls to lift their skirts.... a little on the creepy side.
have you EVER listened to ANYthing he has EVER said to
::insert familiar female name here::
????????????
DOES THIS COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU?
the real question is how you were with such a sexist jackass for so many freaking years!!
have you ever heard him talk to my friends???? jesus he's been hitting on my friends since i was like 12, his joys in life to give them horrible complexes about minor physical details to gain power over their emotions by making them feel like they're not up to par or something. It's not like he hasn't always been like that. Dont' act surprised.
Whatever, it's not like you're kids are immune to ending up being fucked up by really pathetic self-absorbed grown-ups that didnt' care how they were eternally affecting children or soemthing, I MEAN IT HAPPENED TO EVERYONE ELSE GODDAMNIT. At least they havn't been molested yet. You hope...
...AHH DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!!
If i'm not there to give you nightmares then WHO WILL, HUH? WHO!?
Anyways you can count on the fact that if they act like that toward women they will learn their lesson quickly that when a woman decides not to take that kind of bullshit they will FEEL IT IN THEIR CRUSHED TESTICLES. I think your ex-ey-wex-ey is too stupid to realize he's going to die alone because of it.
BTW this is an excellent reason to rationalize moving somewhere far away and way cooler than columbia. Problem solved. Get your kids out of here before they become acclimated to a false sense of security due to the improper exposure to the "real world" causing them to cling helplessly onto you well into their late 20's for fear that they "can't do it" without holding your hand because there's too much horror and hardship in the world that they never identified with, and which therefor seemed, in the end, just as real as a brothers grimm fairy tale. Columbia is a blindfold.
sorry, that was a really long comment. I just get carried away...
First of all, Columbia's a great community. Case in point: school system, the mean household incomes and the low crime rate.
Second, children need good male role models. I'm my own proof of that. My dad (sperm donor) left when I was 4 yrs., my brother was an alcoholic, my grandfather was an alcoholic, and my mother was very very insecure about herself because of her dependence on her husband. These fears were instilled in us as kids. And so I grew up abusing drugs and alcohol. I had to go into the Army (not that that's bad) to aquire the values necessary to be successful in this world. I'm not promoting the military (although it's a great organization), I'm saying that insecurity in the one thing that fucks kids up in life and having a good male role model is key to their development.
I hoped you ripped your ex a new exit. That kind of behavior is unacceptable.
Dang, Spider-girl! You got a blog full from us. Sometimes words just don't help that much. But, you obviously love your son and want what's best for him. Keep that up and do what you can to let him see what a real man is. Don't hate men too much either, although I know some men can be thouroughly hateable. Your son is on the verge of becoming a man and needs to see that being a man isn't in itself a bad thing. But, being a stupid, careless, and selfish man is.
whatever ariella, 3 of your four last boyfriends could be described as follows:
1.) a bisexual who is turned on by animals
2.) a drug dealer/addict
3.) a bisexual who thinks monsters exist and goes by the name Thorn Firelight
Ok, so no lecture on bad choices in boyfriends from you! at least I made my bad choices when I was 15.
Holy snake shit !! Can anyone say, Sibling Rivalry ! and i thought me and my sister had issues !
my brother put my head through a plate glass window. Now that's sibling rivalry.
so wat are u gonna do about ur ex? hes such a schmuck!
as for ariella's comment on columbia...its not the town that makes one dependent. i grew up there and i'm not trippin like that! it made me who i am (and thats not a bad thing LOL) - totally open to other experiences and people, and having a career in social work that completely reflects the valus i learned by growing up in columbia. ya maybe people don't experience the same kinda racism or classism as someone growing up in alabama, but how does that make it a bad place? shouldn't we want people to *not* have to experience that crap? plus, its not like columbia doesnt have its own racism and classism to deal with - with River Hill being all schmancy pants and snotty, and some areas seeming to become more and more segregated. hell, even look at all the crap they are doin downtown by the mall and shit. where is the affordable housing in those overpriced "gated community" bullshit townhouses and condos. next thing, they'll be tearing down the people tree cuz its just some old stupid hippie idealistic nonsense from the 60s! viva james rouse!
PS - johnny menace is right. thats wicked creepy for him to think that shit about a 12 year old and then get another 12 year old to do that crap!!
well the girls were 17 or 19.
Have you noticed how much porn says, 'Barely Legal!' and/or has women in pigtails and with private-school-girl uniforms on?
I grew up in Alabama and live there now. I was in the Air Force for a while and have been around the country and in your neck of the woods as well. Honestly, hate and ignorance do not relegate themselves to any particular region or country. Human beings are imperfect and will do and say bad things no matter where you are. Are certain types of ignorance more prevalent in some places? Hard to say. But, I have noticed them every place I go. People are good and bad, smart and stupid, selfish and selfless no matter where you go. All you can do is live the best life you can and be a good example for others to follow. They'll either follow your lead, or they won't nothing you can do about it either way. The only person in the world you can change is yourself.
I like interracial ,midget ,cuckold porn, myself. but barely legal, now thats just icky.
Ok 1st of all this isn't about me. I never said that i havn't made any bad decisions. But also i didnt' have sex until i was 18, I didn't stay with any of the real shitheads that i dated (don't worry i agree that they were deuche-bags) for more than a few months, and if anyone i met acted the way barry acted towards women/everyone i would definately have been walking in the other direction.
2nd of all, i have lived my entire life in columbia. So has shirley. Shirley who ran away from home when she was 16 and a year later when the police found her came home pregnant. I who abused drugs like no other and yet we both had a perfectly comfortable and supportive household with parents that are still together who would do anything for their children and have never used substances for enetrtainment aside from the occasional glass of wine or beer. I can also list off tons of really fucked up people that i know very well who grew up in columbia. And maybe it wasn't because of columbia but it does have a weird effect on you. And i wasn't suggesting that shirley move to the ghetto, just that there are places that are way cooler and better than columbia (if you dont' agree than you are an idiot) where a child can grow up safely and happily and not feel trapped by stagnation and boredom.
i love the word 'deuche-bag'
holy crap. what is with the fucking paragraphs people? come on quick and snappy.
and deuche-bag is a great word along with just deuche itself
Um, I spent a little time in Columbia. I turned out ok. Hard to know how much is just personality, but I suspect being in sheltered Columbia helped.
The people that are around you often determine how you think of yourself and who you are. So the moral is, make sure you're spending your time with the kind of people you want to be. If you hang out with corporate shills, you will find yourself melting into that mindset. With artists, with losers, with idealists, the same. Use this knowledge to make your own destiny.
"deuche bag" is a great word.
I like "mother fuckin cock sucker."
If you do an image search for 'douche bag" (the actual spelling, by the way)THIS is the first picture that comes up.
Haha
this is the second one :-O
hahaha!!!!
i'm sure O'Reilly's picture comes up if you type in my word too.
hey first of all, some things!
1) Ariella! Shut up about barry. You know he gave me that tattoo for really cheap because at some point, he expects me to give him a blow-job.
2) Ariella! I grew up in columbia and I am just fiiiiiiiiiiine. No, no, stop arguing. Columbia is beauty! Freedom is slavery. War is peace. Long live Jim Rouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse
3) Hahaha, ariella, your boyfriend's suck. If you combined them into one person they would be locked away.
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