Humor for Lexophiles

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blownapart.
• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done.